Any minute now Victoria Secret is going to have some massive sale on Bikini’s and we’ll be seeing women flocking to the treadmills, ellipticals, and aerobics classes as they remember that beach season is only a couple months away. After a winter of binge drinking, fast food eating, and non stop lazy cuddling their sexy curvaceous bodies have gotten soft and well a little extra curvaceous.
These girls are the elliptical bunnies. They HATE the gym. They’re there because they “have to be” not because they’re actually interested in being healthy and athletic. And for those girls, that’s fine, because everyone has their own goals and desires. I just want to give you a hint though if you really do hate all that time you’re “wasting” in the gym. Walk right past the elliptical machines and head straight back to the weight room. At the very least pair them together, get some bike shoes do some cardio and then lift weights! There has long been this fear instilled in women that by lifting weights they’ll turn into the square jawed, boobless, hulking masses that grace the stages of female body building, but that’s far from the case.
Women spend countless hours flipping through magazines and watching television filled with other beautiful women with perfectly sculpted bodies. Newsflash, Jessica Biel got that bodacious ass you want so bad by doing squats. Oh and Marissa Miller’s perfect abs that you’d die for? Yeah she didn’t carve those out on an elliptical, those came from building the core strength you need to lift weights. If you want the bikini abs, runway thighs, and perfect buns you’re gonna get them a lot easier in the weight room.
Just a couple key things to keep in mind to take away the intimidation that usually keeps women in the front, barely sweating on the ellipticals.
1. Guys are staring at you no matter where you are at in the gym. That’s why God invented yoga pants in the first place.
2. You don’t know what you’re doing? Don’t sweat it, most of the guys don’t. Get a couple sessions with a trainer or a guy you know and trust as a fitness guru…like Bootsy.
3. You’re not going to look like a female Hulk Hogan. The women who do live a lifestyle of dedication to a type of eating and lifting that you couldn’t even fathom. That look is from much more than just weight lifting.
4. Ask for help. Guys do it all the time in the weight room, we’re hardly going to mind it coming from a pretty face.
5. You can ignore us when we hit on you. You do it on the streets, in the clubs, and at the grocery store if we’re creepy so what’s the difference in the gym? At least in the gym you can pop in headphones and play deaf.
So get to it girls, and we’ll see you looking fly on the boats and beaches this summer.
-Bootsy aka Agent 47